Answers

With a little help from our local over-zealous detective person, Mom has spent the last while lost in negative emotion and self doubt. Every so often, someone asks about what happens to Nathan, and Mom struggles to find a way to explain, struggling all the more as she tries to tell it her way, what she actually saw, not Mr. Gloom (the detective's) way (who didn't see a darn thing until after some "helpers" had thoroughly altered everything). Today there came a news headline that drop-side cribs are banned. And now we have answers. When we found Nathan that dreadful day, this is what we found:



Now I know which group of grieving parents we belong to.

A Monumental Day (in the making)

Today we finally did it: we ordered a monument (aka headstone) for Nathan's grave. Only about five years after the fact, but what's five years to a rock? Since I was chosen to go order it, I chose what it will say. I will probably post a picture of it whenever it's done sometime eight or more weeks from now. I remember going to look at monuments way back when, and as I happened to have Lydia with me today, it reminded me that I probably had Amanda with me then. Only that time I didn't actually make up my mind about it. As checklist items go, this is definitely one of the odder ones I've had to do, but I will say it's nice to have it almost out of the way. I went to see the grave afterward since I was at the cemetery anyway. I've always found it before by the monument next to it. Today I realized I wasn't sure which side of that monument the grave I was looking for was on. So, I guess we really did need to get one after all. Thanks to Grandma and Grandpa for financing it.

We ate cake

Four years ago today I, Mom, hastily prepared a cake for what turned out to be Nathan's only birthday party. Jared, age 3, has been itching to make cake over the past few days, and so I figured today would be a good day to do it. I somehow managed not to have eggs in the house, but the mix ended up turning out all right anyway; thank goodness for mixes! I baked it in my big glass bowl after Jared stirred it up in the same bowl. After it cooled a bit, I turned it upside down onto a baking sheet. I then frosted it with chocolate pudding. It actually looked pretty good, and the kids enjoyed eating it. Amanda wanted to know if we were having it for a birthday. I hedged around the question. I'm glad I made the cake, though. Happy Birthday, Nathan.

Earlier in the day, Lydia was fussing. When I came in the room to see what was wrong, I found the other three hovering around her attentively. They'd made her a little bed, tucked her in with Nathan's blanket, and Amanda was singing lullabies to her. I was glad they used Nathan's blanket, since it seemed like he got to be in on helping baby sister, too. Note Curtis's baseball outfit: it's one that Nathan wore. Another stand-in. :)